1 step beyond

I allow Bourdain in my city because though he's never ONCE brought his own show to Chicago that I can remember he at least once gave the Chicago style hot dog its due. So he was here tonight as Head Judge and now he can go back to New York and don't come back here until you want to show us off. Bye.

I lost my "Chicago Notes" section weeks ago. I don't have anything to tell you about since, I don't know, for weeks. What this means is you're going to have to come here yourself. All there is to it.

And now here's the SPOILER ALERT, ffs

TopChef's signature challenge - Restaurant Wars. Make a restaurant that opens TOMORROW. Fan favorite, and has really exposed people's shortcomings in the past.

Was there any doubt?

I mean, as soon as they split up into teams it was like it was over. And I mean there was NO mystery in this one. Even the reactions of the judges DURING the taste off tipped the hand. And I have to tell you, except for the chocolate smear thing that did look a little goofy, I would have SO ordered what Stephanie, Antonia and Richard put out there. Every. Last. Item. And the manner in which they worked everything out was all pro - just remember it was Nikki who, coming back to lend a hand, pointed out the grit in the shellfish. Richard missed something very much like that once before and survived by the virtue of somebody else's miasma that time. They really need to give Nikki a big hug.

As for Team Disaster. Let's put it this way; Spike REMAINS the slimiest weasel I've ever seen on this show but - like Bourdain said - he picked a good night to be in the front of the house.

Dale and Lisa.... Dale. And Lisa. Like most of the "mouths" I've known in life the minute they hit a bump they're all BWAAAAA. But you could have just as easily flipped a coin and sent Lisa home as well. Can anybody tell me what she's made that was actually good? She won a round, and I think it was something she could make in her sleep or something, but ever since then I can't remember one good thing she's done.

So anyway Dale, because the one who plays "executive chef" in Restaurant Wars is always the one who goes home, got what was coming to him. But - I'll be honest - If next week either Richard, Stephanie or Antonia go home because of some process or other, and BOTH Spike and Lisa get in...? I call bullshit, and that's a fact.

In the meantime Stephanie wins!!! And because I've been backing her FROM THE START and called it from Episode Two ("this is the first female winner on Top Chef"), she's taking me to Spain. Just so you know.

Yes, it's true - I am that "for two" she's taking. First tapas, and then I convince her to go to my favorite little place in Iberia... elBulli. Because Stephanie...? She listens to me now. Yes. Yes that's right, I am chef whisperer.

Labels: Food

Sometimes I feel all out of touch with people, especially on the intertubes. There are moments, let me tell you. Sometimes I feel like the guy at the computer, and sometimes I feel like the person standing behind him.

I guess it depends on where I am and who I am with. But I will say every once in a while I get tired of agreeing with everybody. I hope it all isn't just a case of we're all starting to bore one another is it?

I mean - seriously - sometimes all the kumbaya I read between bloggy buddies really makes me want to hurl.

Labels: Internet

I'm starting to notice that folks aren't quite as interested in books, cooking, cults and philosophical discourse as I thought they'd be. Not serving my audience, I suppose. I've had a lot of folks who used to come by really drop off as of late and it is telling in both the comments and the sideline email chatter; as in there isn't any. I keep looking around for something in my personal bag of tricks to entice people to have that overwhelming desire to peek in the moment they have a free minute but I just can't dredge anything up.

Pornography isn't one of my favorite things at all, so I can't post something just to shock anybody. I don't have a personal identity crisis every four days so people can leave a message to get me to keep my chin up. I don't secretly hate my marriage.

Come to think of it I don't openly hate my marriage either.

I'm lucky enough so that I have no terrible illness to fight, nor do I have to work my way through a terrible grief because I've lost someone near and dear to me. In this neck of the woods I'm very lucky in those things lately.

I'm not fooling around with anybody. I can't draw cartoons. I don't have an internet radio show; and I'm not about to be asked to be on anybody's internet radio show either (thank God - I'd probably just sit there like a lump and ruin it for everybody). I don't have a dog to take pictures of.

I don't have a cat either. There's three or four shows I watch on TV so I can't complain about the way a show is being ruined by the stupid producers. I wouldn't recognize ruining much anyway. And if a show of mine is ever canceled I just pretty much look for something else to do.

I don't have that many complaints about my fellow drivers or have any desire to talk about obnoxious people in grocery stores. I do have a neighbor across the street who is crazy, but I really only pay attention to him maybe once or twice a year. Otherwise I just ignore him.

So it isn't like I have a big list of things that could make me an interesting blogger where I'd have a great big readership and tons of comments all the time so... maybe I need to change up some stuff.

I'd throw the forum open for questions and say "I will answer anything you want to know about me", but I can't even think of anything I'd want to know about myself!

I could have a contest! But I'm way too cheap to provide actual prizes.

I don't like the same old memes. I'm not on a diet. I can't relate interesting search terms that got people here because I don't have any monitoring device attached here at all. I don't have any projects around the house I can take pictures of and complain about.

In short... I can't think of a damn thing.

But in an effort to perhaps increase the traffic let me just say; naked matures, drunken naked starlets, free naked money, how to make a naked bomb, the naked secrets of the Templars, naked tits, naked Mel Gibson wears a toupee, Sienna Miller naked, George Bush naked, naked animal lust, naked pictures, naked parties, naked parts, naked fetishes, naked nakedness.

Watch the traffic now!

Labels: Blogging

It appears we has entered the kingdom of snark!

Weh-hell now my son-in-law is a peace officer in a police department for a smaller town on the near south side of Chicago. He is also SWAT trained and doesn't afraid of anything. So I will hereby bury my unofficial feelings about Chicago's finest (cough.. hack...aggg...hooooah...cough) and just smile.

No really peace officers are the salt of the Earth and where would society be without the blue knights. Eh? Huh? Answer me!

The only thing you got to see tonight that was uniquely Chicago was the checkerboard band around the base of our officers' hats. They do that in Britain and we do it here. Now aren't you just ready to croak? See a Chicago cop hat and die. Who needs Paris...

OK enough of that. It's going NOwhere - just like Top Chef's display of Chicago. Like I said - may as well be in freakin' Milwaukee.
SPOILER ALERT FFS!

Very very very smart. Dale and Stephanie really made the perfect choices to fulfill the idea of healthy and satisfying. Dale substituted bison for beef (very low on fat content and fools the rather beefy members of the academy into thinking they can has burger). But as an advocate of antelope, kangaroo, ostrich and goat (all exceptionally low fat and I LOVE them all!), I really thought using a low-fat red meat was pretty smart for the circumstances. Equally smart was Stephanie's hearty soup. Soup - in this town and many other colder climates - is certainly seen as "hearty" and filling. PLUS if you season it right you can chock it full of good-for-you stuff that always tastes better in a soup and - again minding the seasoning - you don't have to pour a mountain of salt in it either. So Dale wins. And I have to say, as much as I wish he'd grow up, he was a good boy tonight. And Stephanie was in the final best again! I think it's cute how, even after all this time, she still gets nervous in the Quickfires. Anyway top group again - Woo. Did I tell you she used to have a restaurant in my...

ahem

They lined up Andrew, Spike and Lisa and MrsRW and I were pretty much saying "oh just shoot them all out of a cannon and let's go." Lisa is incompetent. Sorry to say. WAHing about somebody moving her flame setting? SABOTAGE! You bastards...! If I'm not mistaken this is the second time she said what she was going to do and... basically didn't do it. Yeah that was no stir fry.

And Andrew - forgetting the grain and also that we are TALKING ABOUT CHICAGO POLICE MEN DUDE - serves up sushi. Or at least a kind of sushi. That was a mess. Chicago cops and sushi go together like a tailgate party and a delicate California seasonal mix. And they already sent someone home for that misread.

Then Spike. Well, I saw him go into Whole Foods and say "I'm basically going to screw these people and take all the standard stuff out of their hands." Then, when nailed among the bottom three goes "no, I chose those for me." What a weasel. WEA-sel. You little, big-talkin' hat-wearin punky weasel. WEASEL! A chicken sandwich from McDonald's looked better than his no brainer.

When they were standing there it was like "Attitude Row." None of them ever believed the judges knew better on anything. They argued and bitched and motivated and excused and WAHHH'd like they always have. Get rid of them all, we said. But no - Andrew goes, if only because he didn't really duplicate the challenge.

Looks like the Final Four will be Stephanie, Richard, Dale and Antonia. Antonia's stock has been rising in my estimation. I still can't get over Dale's infantile recidivism. Richard cooks stuff I'd love to try and has been a grown-up throughout. And Stephanie used to have a restaurant in my old neighb...

...is also good.

We're gettin' there!

Labels: Food