1 step beyond

Of course they found a couple of skinheads who were plotting to kill Barack Obama. Of course there are people who can't imagine a black person as President. You need to know, with certainty, that people still tell jokes using the word "nigger", and refer to people that way when they aren't trying to be funny. I went to a family party this past weekend where some guys in my family were texting "nigger jokes" about Obama and laughing about it standing in the middle of the kitchen. Kids running around. Grown men. FATHERS of some of the children. It certainly is true that a woman on NPR the other week said that if Obama was elected there would be "chaos" and that "black people will get such a big head they will demand you get off the sidewalk."

"It'll be payback. They'll all think they're in charge if he gets in and they'll think they can just kill white people because of all the stuff that was done to them."

Equate a 60's radical to Obama - toss in a few vets, remind people about the counter-culture of the Viet Nam era, start talking socialism this and that and what have you done? You've cleverly conjured up Barack Obama as a Black Panther. I fully expect in the next few days that the Republicans are going to skirt it, and come as close to the "fear issue" as far as they can take it without coming outright saying "we CAN'T have a nigger in the White House! Oh my God oh my God oh my God. Hurry dear sweet bleeding Jesus before it's too late! AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!"

This isn't unusual. It isn't a special condition relegated to West Virginia, and it's as close to you as your kitchen when the extended family gets together. No matter what part of the country you're from. Quite obviously.

I sometimes find myself blanking out when I recall the Jim Crow days and the civil rights movement. There was a time when Obama himself would have been considered "illegal" because he is the offspring of a mixed marriage. A governor once symbolically stood in a doorway and specifically said he would not allow "Negroes to attend this institution." Black kids going into a Woolworth's to sit at a lunch counter together were physically pulled off their seats and thrown into the streets by people who weren't even employed by the store or by law enforcement. Kitchens you can't eat in. Hotels you can't sleep in. Streets you can't walk down. Parts of busses you can't use. These things happened; and it isn't the fact that they happened that is upsetting - it's the fact that there were people who said it's OK if it happens that makes me wonder. And to this day there are folks around who think that's the way it OUGHT to be.

What the hell's the matter with you people?

We have a chance to redeem the American Dream and we still have to wade through the shit provided to us by thuggish white people who are so sick and sad in their own minds that to pass this down to their children is perfectly fine.

Three weeks ago I picked up my grand daughter from kindergarten and - in a passing way only a 5-year old who has no idea what she's saying could do it - had her tell me that when you have black skin that means you're bad. Of course I told her that's not true, and because she had no idea what she was parroting it went fully out of her mind. But - obviously - there was another 5-year old who told her that. And where did that 5-year old hear it from?

Easy to guess.

So when people treat each other shabby; don't recognize that what they're doing may be blatantly unfair but 'it's all about them" anyway so what the hell; when racism can be casually expressed and considered no problem... why should we be surprised?

America is an uncomfortable thing. It walks around the world telling everyone "I'm the greatest fucker here" (per Lewis Black), when all the while it is no different than anyone else except for it's level of acceptable duplicity that it claims as a right of speech.

You want proof how uncomfortable America is? Raise your hands - how many people think that if Barack Obama is elected president he's going to be a prime target for assassination? And why is that so? Well hell... his skin is dark. Can't have that!

Oooo... lotta hands.

Labels: Life

What came around last Friday - and I've been sitting on it all weekend not knowing exactly how I felt about it - was a phone call from the guy who replaced me at the job I was let go from last spring.

For the newer arrivals since then, let me diagram for the sake of background: I was a salesman for Company A. At the start of the Building Bubble Bust my numbers were down and Company A gave me my walking papers. I went to work for Company B. Company B was a customer of mine when I worked for Company A. They heard I was out of work and offered me a job. Part of my job with Company B was buying product from Company A. The most famous moment in my life was when the owner of Company A showed up for a meeting with the owner of Company B and discovered I was now working for Company B. His face, when I came in and sat down at the table, was worth mucho golds. I promptly took $100,000 worth of business away from Company A and gave it to Company C, though Company A is still a supplier for some things. OK so far?

After a few months Company A hired a guy to take over my accounts. I knew the guy from when I tried to sell product to Company D and he was the buyer there. I remember, specifically, my meeting with him. I was still working for Company A and the whole time all he wanted to talk about was what a jerk the owner of Company D was. Now that guy, no longer at Company D, was doing my cycle at Company A. And guess what...? The last time he was here "visiting customers" he spent his time ragging on the ownership of Company A. Some things never change.

So Friday I get a phone call from the guy who took over my accounts at Company A telling me he's been let go and is no longer working for Company A. Apparently the $10,000,000 a year business is now a $5,000,000 a year business with a reduced staff and customer list. The lack of new building at the level we were at in past years has really hit them hard.

I don't know how I feel about all this. I tried to explain to Company A, when they let me go, that things were going into a down cycle and guys were fighting for work out there, but last spring was still too early in the cycle - it wasn't as obvious as it is now - and to the powers that be it just looked like I wasn't producing anything. So time goes on and - sure enough - GAH, there's no work out there, let's fire the guy who replaced RW because he's doing even less.

What I've found here (at Company B) is the eternal verity; in down times you stick to the people you know. Our relationships with a handful of builders just might (maybe) be the thing that sees us through this. And on the other hand I not only use former customers of mine when I was with Company A as references, but I hear from six or seven of them almost regularly, just as friends.

Methinks Company A made a boo boo, and I have no feeling about it one way or the other.

Considering the fact that I can hold a grudge for thirty years if inspired enough, I find it strange that I am so devoid of an emotion one way or the other about all this. Maybe it was the guy who replaced me asking me if I knew anybody who was looking to hire. The tone of his voice, so innocent. It was weird.

I am strangely neutral about the whole thing.

Labels: Life

Years ago Barbara Walters caught some flak for asking Katharine Hepburn "if you were a tree, what kind of a tree would you be?" Well that wasn't the question exactly and in context, if you listened to the stuff said just before, it wasn't like a premeditated question but a spontaneous one evolving out of the conversation; so it wasn't as lame as it was made out to be.

But I do cringe from time to time when an interviewer either A. Fails to get to the question everybody wants to ask the interviewee and/or B. Asks a lame question (like "what kind of a tree would you be" out of context). Then again every once in a while a non-conventional question ends up being pretty revealing.

This past week in juxtaposed interviews Katie Couric asked both candidates a question that, on the face of it, seemed kind of dumb; but as you listened to the answers you realized it was actually a pretty good question after all. She asked both candidates "If it could be anyone in the world, which three people, alive today, would you like to have to dinner, and why?" I know, I know... kind of lame sounding. Until they answered.

Obama first said Nelson Mandela (duh, who would have figured that one? -sigh-) then Warren Buffet (Ok, better) and finally his maternal grandmother who, he complained, he hadn't talked to in over a year because of all this campaign stuff and really feels a need to get back with her. The grandmother answer being the best part. McCain ended up with eight people at his dinner table; soldiers and athletes being 7 of them and the founder of eBay (how dull and prosaic is THAT?) being the eighth. But the thing that was cool was he wanted to be sure the US Olympic relay team was invited (the ones who DROPPED THE FREAKIN BATON) "just to tell them we still love them". I thought that was a pretty cool answer even if it did break the rule.

Anyway I thought it was a little insight. Interesting. Maybe even proof that these guys are human, after all. Which I've had some doubts about.

So tell me. If it could be anyone in the world, which three people, alive today, would you like to have to dinner, and why?

Don't forget the why part.

Labels: Life

It feels very much like 1978, the year we got married, except it's different. It's the same thing in a different way. Then, interest rates for loans were in the double digits, there had been severe gas shortages all around the country leading to long lines just about anywhere you went, and there didn't seem to be too many places a working person could either advance into or pick up employment in. It was scary for older people, I think, because when you're 23 you figure you can get through it - it goes up and it goes down. And at 23 I wasn't watching the value of my stocks dwindle into sawdust like I am now, because I didn't have any stocks.

There wasn't an internet to tell you how screwed up everything was every ten minutes and there was no such thing as 24-hour news. In fact i think there were only a handful of cable channels, if you even had cable. I think there were seven channels on "regular" TV if you counted the UHF. UHF??

I look at the candidates for president and vice-president now and I'm sure amongst the five of us I'm the only one who understands real life. in 1978 McCain was a Navy liaison to the Senate, already prepping for his political career. That's not real life. Sarah Palin was 14. As much as she likes to parade herself around as a champion of Joe 6-pack, I actually was Joe 6-pack working in a print shop and punching a clock and I didn't see her the hell around. She was Miss Congeniality and won a scholarship to get trained to join The Media. I don't see no clock-punching in that history. Barack Obama was 17 and stoned (I was already 6 years clean), and Joe Biden was already a Senator.

None of these people would do as good a job in the White House as I would. The first thing I'd do would be to reign in the assumed power of what has become an Imperial Presidency and re-institute the lawful power and positions of the THREE branches of government. Congress would be given back the power to declare war. The Vice-President would be informed about what we're doing and then told to shut the fuck up and go play golf - nobody was interested in what he or she had to say. My nominees for the Supreme Court would be experienced criminal court judges with no think tank experience and/or any policy-wonk writings. Real life judges who can balance common sense with the right instincts for justice or mercy - when either one is called for. It would be ILLEGAL for Congress to "borrow" money from the Social Security Fund for anything. And campaign commercials of any kind and from any source may not be aired on any medium until two weeks before Election Day.

Financial bailouts don't go to banks, but become loans going directly to entrepreneurs needing not more than $2mil to start small businesses here in America, preferably manufacturing. And people who want to get out of their ARMs will have their mortgages reworked to fixed rate ones.

But mostly you should elect me because I don't have size issues.

I not only drive a MINI, but I have no need to "project" American "power" all over the world. Outside of killing bin Laden (and screw Pakistan giving a shit about how I get him, what are they going to do - burn my flag? Oh ow ow ow. Oooo. That hurt me. Pleh) there's going to be a lot of people out there who have to get on with and stand up for themselves. You want to continue your centuries long intractable tribal warfare over small dirty swaths of pointless dessert - be my guest. We're putting every penny we have in not needing your stupid oil anymore. And you can go knock each other senseless for all I care. The foreign policy of MY country is no longer going to be based getting young Americans killed to keep the price of gas artificially low for people who want to drive the cars they want the way they want them. Plus we re-institute the draft, but a limited one fully based on true democratic principles, meaning; everyone in favor of staying in Iraq will have the young men and women of their families drafted and formed into special units. Then they go in to replace the regular army - who needs a fucking vacation. Everybody else is exempt. When you can't rely on working class kids to prop up your profligate, debt-based, consumer economy, you'll just have to put your genes where your mouth is. Hey - that's called "personal responsibility", just like you believe in.

And, finally, if we're upset about CEOs who get big salaries and golden parachutes for screwing up their companies, we should do something about it. But let's keep the same rules for everybody. Let's let the same rules apply to people in government. Congress, even me (your President). No raises when we screw up. That'll help the balance sheet right away.

Labels: Life

There are 114 shopping days until Christmas. This year I'm going to tell everybody I want nothing but gift cards. Or booze. Gift cards and booze. This would be heaven.

I saw 198 pounds this weekend for the first time in years. That's 12 pounds under from where I started. This morning it was back up a notch, and MrsRW scolded me "you don't weigh yourself EVERY FREAKIN DAY." She's right of course. So I will moderate my obsession from here on out. But the level of disgust I am feeling for the way I look is frightening. I don't want to look like Joe Palooka, but I do want to stop looking like Auntie Matilda. I'm going to start weight training probably some time next week - soon as I have the money to sign up at the community center. I've already got the forms.

Yet and still, I have been captivated by the chivito. OhmyGod ohmyGod ohmyGod. I may wait until I hit a certain target weight, just to have a point to celebrate (and then go jog it off), but I want to learn to make one so bad I can taste it. No pun. That thing looks awesome.

I don't know what people who don't pray, or generate positive thoughts, or creatively envision, or actively hope (whatever form it takes for you) do with themselves when there is something important that needs to happen and they are trying to get Divine / universal / spiritual / cosmological / kharmatic (whatever form it takes for you) help; but I am glad I have that outlet. When big terrible things happen I need it. And I am hoping it worked this weekend. Nothing ever takes the place of action and involvement in order to make something happen, but there are times when the cavalry is really important to have on your side. Whatever form that takes for you.

You have no idea. And of course it will stay that way.

Oh and this image is here just because it cracked me up. Has nothing to do with anything. It just funny to me somehow...

Labels: Life

...with a good ending.

It started out I took Thursday off so I could be a pall bearer at an uncle's funeral. There are only a handful of the WWII generation left in our family and I have now been a pall bearer for the third time. The first two times I did this duty were rather harrowing because the gloves were, like, silk and the handles on a casket are slick. I swear to God I thought I was going to drop the damn things and heads would roll out down the church steps. Frightening but kinda cool, actually. This time, however, COTTON gloves - thank you Jesus of Nazareth. No slippage.

My uncle John was cool. He used to own harness race horses back in the day and before he moved to Arizona a few years back he and I went to the track, got way drunk and lost our shirts together. He was a good guy.

Then Friday we went to see the fireworks and I neglected to take a better shirt or something so the wind picked up and I froze my ASS off, but the fireworks were OK so that was a plus, except we got word that someone dear to us was having some marital troubles. So we enjoyed the fireworks but walked around a little worried.

Saturday we went to a family get-together and played that bean bag toss game where you're trying to get it in the hole on this slanted board and just when I was getting real good it got dark and MrsRW said we had to go home. I stomped my feet and cried and let her drive because the way I got good was beer and whiskey. I should have used that stuff when I was going out for sports in school! We brought the grand-daughter home to stay overnight because we had zoo plans Sunday.

Then Saturday night my phone rings at 12:45 and I have to let in the person who is having marital troubles because there was a big row and one of them needed a safe haven. So I let that one stay the night but then the other person in the marriage called up and I'm like... oh duh hold it my grand-daughter is upstairs and if you show up I'm going to have to kill you. Didn't get to bed until 3. Luckily nothing happened and in the morning they talked and spent the day together and the last news was that it looked like they'd made up. Somewhat.

In the meantime I skipped Quaker meeting Sunday morning to take my grand daughter to the zoo. I'd LOVE to post a picture but her Mommy my daughter does not allow pictures of her on the net and I do what women tell me to do.

Then when we came home we had BREAKFAST FOR DINNER! Grand daughter went home and I had STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM (yum) just now and am too wired to get to sleep. But I have to be up in 5 hours so I better hit PUBLISH POST and git. All's well that ends well. But it was all a blurred B-movie while it lasted.

When does the holiday weekend start?

Labels: Life

Oh the drama. Zzzzzzz.

I'm not addressing it gang. Not going there. I don't like it when friends say bad things about other friends. So I'm going to just sit here and do nothing further. Nyah nyah.

Every once in a while we all face a moment where we question ourselves. I don't care how cool you think you are or how together you have managed to construct life for yourself. I've had jobs where I made 6 figures and been miserable, and the older I get the more I can afford to say that "so long as I have a grand-daughter and she's happy somewhere out there, life is good." And I hate to sound like Hassan in the Mountains but if perspective hasn't started to arrive for you by your late forties you really need to grab yourself by the collar and give yourself a talking to.

I have markedly less days of angst this last year or so, and though I'm still - as are all of us - prone to coughing up that one hairball of a rank day, for the most part life seems to have hit a comfortable OM factor. I can theorize on why that might be so, but it would probably just be some weird mixture of rekindling the writing thing, a remarkably stable relationship, alcohol, a practical version of Christianity, and the welcome glow of occasional forgetfulness.

Life's lessons don't really change, do they? None of us are perfect. until I DO become perfect (which should be any day now I hope), THEN you really gonna have something to worry about. Until then, get up and dance...

Labels: Life

My new hard drive/tower is in the hands of DHL who are going to try and deliver it today to an empty house, in which case they will leave a note saying they tried to deliver and I'm going to have to trek up to their center and retrieve it before Monday when the pro I've hired to transfer, set-up, and switch everything so I don't lose my files by being the natural idiot I was born as, arrives. I called DHL yesterday and said "Since where I work is closer to your center than where I live, why not just hold it for me at your center and I'll pick it up after work Friday?" The answer was that "we have to make at least one attempt to deliver it and it'll be on the truck Friday." To which I said, "um, yeah, but I'm telling you right now no one is going to be home to sign for it and a signature is required so you're going to load it on the truck, the driver's going to walk it to the door, get no answer, fill a form out and stick it in my door, lug it back to the truck, then you're going to have to unload it and I'm going to have to drive up Saturday from my home to pick it up. Why not just don't put it on the truck and I stop off after work Friday and pick it up myself?" And the answer was "Because we have to make at least one effort to deliver it." To which I responded "But NO ONE IS GOING TO BE THERE. NO ONE IS GOING TO MAGICALLY APPEAR TO BE THERE." To which she said "We have to try to deliver it."

Do I need to explain what I think about that? I think not. Do I need to comment further? You can do it for me below in your comments, he said with a sardonic smile.

One thing I haven't mentioned "officially" is the little icon now appearing at the top of my sidebar to the left. Yes, that's a self-published copy of the book I have circulating right now and, yes, the link takes you to the "storefront" for it. I went and put it in book form (small pocketbook) and WOW you could actually go and BUY it! Heh. But the thing is - and I'm telling everyone who asks right up front - since looking at the proofs I see two spots needing a rewrite. Yes I'm probably ALWAYS going to see "two spots that need a rewrite" because I'm that anal but - what the hell.

What is amazing is that people are actually buying a handful already, and not everyone of them is a reader here. So that's actually pretty cool. There are self-promo sites and places I've gone to to list the book and - waddayouknow!? how about that shit! In the interest of fairness I should tell you despite the price I only make about $3 a sale, and if the $ is too much and you're still interested you can download the whole thing for just two bucks. Or not. Or you can wait until it goes through maybe six or seven rewrites and some actual publishing house puts it out there. But you can actually preview the first few pages there just by clicking the title.

I made a promise to myself that "one way or another I get back in print in 2008" and there ya go. This is the only post I'm going to make about it because I'm struggling with being happy about it on one hand but not wanting to look like a God damn whore on the other hand. I'm not sending free books out and asking anybody to make a review on their site because if they actually think it sucks, which is possible in any case, they might feel weird about being sent a free book and then letting me have it while also being on the blogroll. My stuff is NOT best-seller, make-a-movie-contract material. Like I said - I'd be happy with a small band of fanatics. But I DO recognize I have to earn that. So now I'm shutting up about it and this is the only post touting it.

Anyway, hopefully, the next time I post it will be on a brand new system that doesn't creak and moan and complain just trying to get a mouse to move from here to there. Or belong to my wife or my boss.

Labels: Books, Life

First of all thank you, everybody, for stopping by and wishing us a Happy Anniversary. The good wishes of friends are diamonds and pearls to us, and the fact you even took a second to enter in was very cool.

I'll be back into Top Chef mode tonite or tomorrow morning. Just wanted to pop in for a second and explain that, yes, outside of the IRL things that are going on (sorry, it's all good. I don't have anything to piss and moan about in my life - hence, no entries. Hahaha) I've also been doing a little work for Operation Reconnect, which ends this Saturday. So I been kinda distracted. And I'd like to say that (to the one or two people who seem to have the concern about what I'm doing and are a bit turned off from this blog because of it), I'd just like to say that - yes - I agree that everyone should have the right to follow their conscience and pick the religion of their choice. I'm not saying anything about a person's free will.

But I was a part of this once and so you'll have to take me at my word that I do rather have a more personal view of this than you do. I'm not against freedom of religion. I'm against an organization that tears families apart. Mothers from children, friends from friends, daughters from fathers. And there are enough examples of it and too many sad, broken people because of it for my taste. Watch this Saturday. If the news media picks up on our speakers - actual family members who are not allowed to speak to loved ones ever again - and rejudge me then.

People who are speaking out are having private investigators hired by this "church" parked down their streets, and the parents of younger protesters - after extensive efforts to identify people - are having letters delivered to them suggesting that their son or daughter MAY be involved in terrorist acts, with everything brought to the authorities so far thrown out as ridiculous.

And we're talking about a CHURCH. So boycott the blog or stay away from the subject or think ill of me or do whatever you want. There's a few around whose approval I don't require no matter how much of a blog star you are. Think what you want. But don't come out on the wrong side of this because you're not fully informed or just think that sticking to some kind of generalized altruism will cover your argument.

Are we having fun yet? OK OK - frivolities will ensue. I promise.

Labels: Life

No it isn't like I'm going to turn this blog over to the good work currently being done to expose the abuses and methods of the Church of $cientology. But I will say I am thrilled to see what is happening, and so happy to see some bright young people out there fighting the good fight. They're better than me. I'd pretty much buried my experience with the cult and really did forget about it and got on with my life. I'm telling ya, they should have let the sleeping dog lie. But don't worry - outside of being a subtle dissemination point for anyone interested (an image or a link here and there) the rest of the blog is back to normal and I doubt I make any further posts on the subject. I've contacted other web sites and communities for that and won't bore the rest of you with my silliness.

Anyway I'm having my period and I've been behind a lot of slow drivers this week so I'm pretty cranky and I hate that you don't love me or something.

But seriously... I know I like my Christmases to be cold and snow-trimmed. I enjoy the first snow of the season and sometimes hunkering down inside the house with some warm libation with the cold blowing outside, cozied up in a blanket is really yummy. But this winter we've had twice as much snow as normal, the temperature hasn't been above 30 but once in the last twelve days, there's this archipelago of ice blocks at the bottom of the driveway that rock all the vehicles coming up or down from the house and they WON'T go away no matter how much I chip at them and anyway I've been out to shovel fourteen times already. I know I wouldn't do well in a climate that's always the same - I think I'd go nuts. I need to see the change of seasons.

But that's just it... I NEED TO SEE A CHANGE OF SEASONS. NOW dammit!! Enough already!!

Labels: Life

I don't have a lot of bloggy things to talk about and I guess I've been kind of boring lately. I don't have anything to complain about and I'm not in the middle of some kind of vital blog-based flame war. I don't hate anybody and I'm not upset about the way some people act or behave. I'm not mystified by anyone's likes or dislikes and - sadly - I don't have any ideas for another Benny video just yet (though there will be some later). I am experiencing a very profound case of "don't care" along a long list of subjects. Contrary opinions don't get me going, and you could probably sit three inches in front of my face and insult me using all my weaknesses and faults and I'd probably agree with you and just laugh at this point.

You might call it bloggy doldrums but I think it is more like distraction. You want to know what's got my attention lately? The idea of "Quantum Immortality". I've been thinking a lot about that lately.

There's been science fiction stories based on that but I want to do comedy with it, and I recognize that talking about my latest big idea doesn't do anything for you. Sorry about that. The first four pages of the new project starts off with it. Goofy, I know.

So - again - if I seem to be a little sporadic out there in blogland there's a reason. I'm probably locked in a desperate struggle with the demons of significance trying to make them funny. That's become a kind of goal lately; take all this deep shit and churn it into humor. Yeah OK probably not a big future in it but at least I'm not wearing a beret and looking all self-important and legendary and shit.

There ya go - four paragraphs about nothing. Life in the bloggosphexahexagonosphere.

Labels: Life

And I wouldn't blame you if you walked away from me. I wouldn't have a leg to stand on if you went out and cheated on me in return. And if it's over I have no one to blame but myself. It was nothing you did or didn't do. It was me. It is all my fault, and I take full responsibility.

But I'd do it again in a heartbeat, because it was that good.

This last summer it all started when the flood gates opened and, after years of not even trying, the memories of the old days came back to me in a rush. Before I knew what hit me I had done 14,000 words on a story I had no ending, or even a reason, for. In and of itself it was a harmless flirtation and just sort of sat there. It sits there still with no where to go. But it served its purpose and led me back down a trail of shame and regret.

I started telling you, kind of hinting around, leaving clues, of the next incident that came up. I even kind of flaunted it. And before I knew it I had set down 24,000 words on something completely different that carried me from the fall to the rotten holiday season. But that too turned out to be just a fling because - completely out of the blue - a totally new thing came along and in just one week I've done 17,000 words that, again, had no relation to anything that came before it.

Only this time I see how it ends and am working, writhing, striving, yearning to bring it to its climax.

We have to face the facts. I know I've been neglecting you. I know I've been distant and aloof lately. I haven't come around like usual, and I haven't engaged you as it was in the brighter days of our life together. But, fellow bloggers, I am in too deep. And I don't even know if I want to find a way out.

I'm a goner for sure.

Labels: Blogging, Life

I usually manage to keep this a meme-free zone but sometimes tag happens. The fourth step of this particular thing is to tag some other folks but that is where I draw the line in the sand and start shooting at the Indians surrounding the wagon train. However, if you want to borrow this let me know and I'll come by and give you some moral support.

This one is hard and I can't find a way to make a joke out of it so I'm just going to go right into it. Of course you realize, Tug, this means you will absolutely have to become a member of MINI-nation now. And because I'm doing this I won't take no for an answer. Sad to say, a PT Cruiser is - cough - you know, a MINI-wannabe anyway. Cough. I mean, you know?

1) Post a note about a blogger you would like to see something wonderful happen for. Maybe one whose posts have touched your heart in one way or another. Include details as to why you admire them and what you wish for them. Be as supporting and affirming as you can. I want this girl to wake up one morning and not have to think about coming apart ever again. I want to learn from her heart and character and I'd settle for just half the valor she has. When she laughs at herself and her condition I want to adopt her. I want her to become rich and famous. I get really pissed off that bad things happen to people like her. I want there to be a way for her to live forever.

2) Post your favorite memory around selflessness, giving, or doing for others. Something that has actually changed you. This was impossibly hard. It hasn't been acts of kindness that changed me, ever. It's usually being a witness to quite the obvious. And probably the only good thing I ever did was take in two girls, friends of our daughters, who were kicked out of their houses. One was thrown out because her parents didn't like her friends (yeah, duh, throwing her out of the house will cure that huh?) and we let her live with us until she reconciled with them. The other girl had a Mom who was like a junkie or something, anyway she was a mess and stayed with us a long time. In fact she was living with us when she graduated high school with our younger daughter. That didn't change me I don't think, but it did make me tell our daughters that no matter what happened, if things didn't work out, they could always come home. Still, to be honest, it was seeing the opposite side of things in the world that had the larger effects on me. On the receiving end I would have to say the greatest thing that was ever done for me that was selfless and giving was forgiveness. That's all I'll say about that.

3) As a postscript, name one thing you will actually do for someone in your life before December 31 that is born out of joy. OK don't get mushy on me – but since I have this new job and am home so early every day I have willingly taken over the bulk of the dinners. So it is making dinner every weekday night after work. Mrs RW has a job that can sometimes take her into the night and the least I can do is have dinner waiting for her when she finally gets home. I've found that I actually enjoy doing it, and I feel like doing back flips when she gives what I've made a "thumbs up." Next year we are married 30 years and I find that I want to do this little thing every day. I really do.

Alright alright what are you gaping at? Move along now!

Labels: Life

As I read through my blogroll (yes I am old fashioned and don't have a reader thing whatchamacallit) every once in a while I read people who are spilling out their guts about things going on in their lives and the considerations that they make under the influence of stressful things happening to them. And it is one thing to talk about the job, the car, the weather or such, and tell folks the problems you may be having with those things. But it is quite another to talk about one's deep, emotional, personal life.

I can't hide behind the convenient excuse of that kind of blogging not being a guy thing because it isn't really just exclusive to women to open your veins in full view of the public - and an unlimited potential public as well. I have read plenty of guys who have done it.

I'm talking about the "gee, do you really want to let us in on that? kind of vein-splitting.

And I suppose people are going to assume - because I'm such a freakin crank sometimes - that I am now going to say a few words about how wrong that kind of blogging is, but I'm going to fool you now. The fact of the matter is that I just don't have the balls to open myself up like that. And I'm not sure that's just an internet thing either - a case could probably be made that I'm the same old bottled-up and stifled moax who doesn't do it in ACTUAL LIFE either.

To be honest I'm not sure I have anything that would interest anyone. All my bad acting is buried in the past as far as I'm concerned and I have substituted any feelings of being let down by the world or people with alcohol an older point of view that says we're all bozos on this bus to begin with.

So this is just to say I have a ton of respect for people who are that open and up front about things going on in their lives and in their heads, and that I don't expect you'll see anything like that from me anytime soon because I either couldn't bring myself to do it or - more likely - I am actually a dried up husk inside and don't have those kinds of things.

I guess time will tell. I just hope everybody I'm in touch with out there knows that if I didn't care I wouldn't keep reading. And if I don't comment it could also mean I've got nothing that could help you, not that I'm making some kind of judgment.

Labels: Life, Reality Check

You remember last time the plucky squirrel sent a letter out to the family informing everyone that after 20-some years of hosting the Christmas Day get-together we were begging off after this year's party and throwing it out there for the family to decide what to do about it?

And you remember just a slight tinge of anxiety involved in that decision and a general questioning wonder about how it was going to be received?

You remember all that? Eh??

Well here we are just over a week later and... oh lookee here... we haven't heard a word about it from anybody. No one's said a thing. There was a serious health problem for one portion of the family so it's pretty obvious they've been distracted and this wouldn't exactly be a priority issue, but everyone else is like blinks and crickets.

And it remains true that the only RSVPs we've gotten are from people who are coming in from Scotland. Which of course means that everyone invited will show up because that's how RSVPs work don't they? And so it goes. And then at some point, since we haven't talked to most of the family since late summer (which is always my fault), someone will wonder out loud why I haven't called them or come over more often. Because, you know, phone lines and roads only go in one direction.

I sometimes sincerely believe in my wife's oft-stated assessment that the truth of the matter is that I'd be most happy as a hermit on some island. And, I have to say, if you find one with enough fresh water...

Labels: Life

For the past 20-some years my wife and I have hosted the family Christmas gathering at our house. We provide the food, the drink, the space, the games, and a couple years I even paid a professional Santa to stop by after dinner (on Christmas Day - no he wasn't cheap) to hand out gifts to the kids.

Time has passed and those kids are grown. Some are married, some have been in long-term relationships and we have gotten to know them all to the point where they come over on Christmas as well. A few of our number have passed away, but all in all our numbers have increased substantially over the years.

In 1987 we had, I think, dinner for 15 counting us. And that included 4 kids. Fast forward to this year and with all the additions - kids having kids, in-laws, friends of in-laws, we will be nearing 30. And if my wife and I have one great fault it's that it is impossible for us to not invite someone who has entered that certain part of the family circle.

We have a modest house. We live very simply. The things we have are nice but we don't need to display a big show to demonstrate how "rich" we are. We still live in the same house we "just qualified for" when our girls hadn't even started school yet. Now that our daughters have taken the world into their own hands, the house is really just perfect for us. It has three fair-sized rooms for socializing but the kitchen is smallish and we don't have a basement.

The problem started to surface a couple of years ago when we realized we didn't have enough chairs. The next year we discovered our table-space was not exactly adequate. Then the pass - the - bowls - from - your - seats sit-down dinner had to be replaced by Line Up In The Kitchen And Take Your Food Back To Your Chair.

But we had our Christmas, without fail, no matter what else may have been going on in our marriage that probably needed our full attention instead. And people don't think. We tell folks when dinner is going to be and sometimes we get "well, we really want to go see this person's sister so can you, like, have dinner a little later?" or "When are the gifts going to be opened, we need to time this out?" We don't always get the RSVP we ask for so we can figure out what we need to have for the dinner and we've actually come up short of food once because of it.

Those are minor concerns, though, and they're really not the whole story. Some parents just laugh when their kids come close to smashing your stuff. Some in the family haven't even ever hosted a holiday yet, or invited us over unless it was a birthday for one of their kids. That's not everyone - one cousin is over the top with picnics and Super Bowl parties. He's not really the issue.

But if we had our druthers, our Christmas Day would contain our daughters, their families, the son-in-laws' parents from Scotland (they come in every other year) and one or two friends of the extended family who are far from home. And, I think, as the family just increases, each of the larger households should really think about narrowing it down to their immediates.

The problem always was - how do you un-invite people after they've not only come to expect it, but it's been 20 years, and despite the fact there are problems now and again, the fact is we really do love our family very much. It's just maybe sometimes I'm not liking them a whole lot.

Well, this is our last year hosting Christmas, only everybody doesn't know it yet. Today a letter will go out to everyone explaining that this is the last Christmas we are hosting. I offer reasons, all of which I take the heat for, and even suggestions as to what to do from here on. But Mrs RW and I are going to just sit back and see what happens now. I see no reason why we can't split these holidays up to a schedule or a separation. But something's got to give, and the people whose houses are way bigger than ours need to step up about it.

We did our thing. It's time for a change.

Labels: Life

I have just spent a half hour trying to reach the credit report people to ask them why there is an address I never lived at on my report and to find out why it won't let me get rid of it online. When I did get through - never having spoken to a live person - I was informed that I can't delete the information because it is part of my history. EXCEPT I NEVER LIVED THERE AND WTF!!?? Anyhow, if I could just talk to an actual HUMAN I bet I'd be just as frustrated, don't you think? It's ALL turning out that way...

Main Menu. Please listen to the following options as some menu items have changed. If you are calling in regards to streets and sanitation press 1. If you are calling about a late tax bill or a disputed tax bill press 2. If you are calling to report a non-emergency fire-department-related item press 3. If you are calling to report a non-emergency police-department-related item press 4. To report a noisy neighbor press 5. To complain about politics at a level this local region cannot readily address press 6. To report a fire emergency press 7. To report a police emergency press 8. To report an ambulance-required health emergency press 9.

9

You have accessed the ambulance required health emergency line. Please listen to the following menu as some items have changed. If you are reporting a choking incident press 1. If you are reporting a severe asthma attack press 2. If reporting a heart attack press 3. For all other emergencies press 4.

3

You have accessed the heart attack menu. Please listen to the menu items carefully as some items have changed. For a heart attack occurring to someone other than yourself press 1. For symptoms that only may be a heart attack someone other than yourself is experiencing press 2. For symptoms that only may be a heart attack you yourself are experiencing press 3. If you wish to report a heart attack you are currently having press 4.

4

Thank you. For systolic heart failure press 1. For diastolic heart failure press 2. If you are experiencing massive heart failure including the ejaculation of blood from the oral cavity press 3.




I'm sorry. I did not get your response.




Main Menu...

Labels: Kiss My Ass, Life

I have no idea where the phrase "sick as a dog" came from, but Sunday I ate something that didn't agree with me and explored the origins of the phrase. Still can't figure it out. Ugh.

All I had to eat Monday was half a cup of soup and some crackers and just copious amounts of water. Plus I left work early and ended up sleeping something like 18 of the last 24 hours.

I'm still venturing nothing but fruit so far for lunch today and have no appetite whatsoever anyway. Just this morning I was still feeling like there was a ball of something or other on the right side of my stomach.

But, wonder of wonder, during this morning's ritual weigh-in I discovered I had lost 4 pounds - which means I am suddenly in my doctor's good graces again and only have 11 to go (theoretically) until he... hmmm... do I get a refund then?

So though it may be a bit on the rough side I highly recommend a minor case of food poisoning to help get off those extra pounds!

I start my marketing campaign next week. Mwa ha ha. I'm going to be rich

Labels: Food, Life

Yes I've always had a lot of fun with the fact that Johnny Carson, Weird Al Yankovic, Michael Crichton and the famous Sarah Bernhardt share a birthday with me. And I've also always gotten a sort of morbid kick out of the fact that Al Jolson, Christian Dior and western writer Zane Grey all picked October 23 (in various years) to croak. It's kind of interesting to know those things, even if all that information really represents nothing more than a wad of data that can be decomposed to a kind of empty, meaningless void of no point whatsoever in no time at all.

But I just discovered that I also share the same birthday as Una O'Connor! Isn't that pointless? Well, hmph, I think so!

Imagine that. Una O'Connor. Yeah... me and Una. Quite the pair we make. Of course she'd be pretty unrecognizable by now I'd imagine but... well anyway it's the spirit of the thing. Una O'Connor. Wow.

Yes, it is such a happy day I am smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. That grin on my ass is beyond imagining.

So - based on what you know of me, both from here and the other place, what does RW get for his birthday?

Labels: Life

October 18th and we are looking at being in the 70's today with summerlike thunderstorms. In Chicago. In October.

I recognize that General Global Warming is bad for you (bahd, verrry bahd!), but I would guess that - since it's going to happen anyway - there will wind up being a latitude or location somewhere where the weather will be "perfect" from then on? When the weather finishes shifting, could it be, mmmmmm maybe... Chicago??

Come to think of it, no that's not what I want. I want cold winters and snow for Christmas and such and if we get GGW my perfect winter vistas will die forever. So, no, as brutal as August and February are here (it's May and September we don't want you knowing about so don't come here then OK? That's ours.), I prefer the natural rhythms I already understand. Year-round summer sounds like fun but the places that have it (like Florida) usually pay for it in another way (headline once seen in Miami; TEST SCORES IN - KEEPING THE "DUH" IN FLORIDA).

And anyway all we're really doing about Global Warming is yapping our mouths off. No one - not even Al Gore - is actually doing anything about it beyond walking around all smug and righteous. Meantime I don't see any fewer planes in the air or less cars on the road or caring factories switching emissions procedures or anything outside of rock concerts to "raise your consciousness". Oh and all the nerdy scientists on TV wringing their hands.

We just talk about it a lot and that's it I guess, huh?

Hmmm. Looks like just more hot air into the atmosphere is all.

Labels: Life