1 step beyond

If you fall in love with an ingredient you need to FALL IN LOVE with it. Being captivated by an ostrich egg and then turning it into an over-sized quiche isn't quite it. I think what's her name (Jill?) got inspired by a product and then didn't know what the hell to do with it. I have no bloody idea what you do with an ostrich egg (it tastes just like a regular chicken egg, only it's industrial sized), but I'm not a trained chef. Looked like most of the chefs didn't know what to do tonight. It's like they didn't get the hint from the Quickfire. Remember what that was? A hot dog. Make a hot dog that goes up against a New York dog (sauerkraut and onion sauce). the winner took an American classic and fused it with East Indian flavors. Yes! "New American" cooking starts with an American usual and either deconstructs or fuses it. The Quickfire hinted at the elimination challenge. Duh.

Fabio sealed his win with beautiful-looking salad thing. But the technique he used on the olives isn't "new". It isn't American and it isn't even Italian. It's passed through the culinary lexicon after it's development at that restaurant in Spain that is on my "do before I die list" that I'll probably never do. I've mentioned El Bulli a million times already ever since I saw them distill the taste of a pine tree into a little white morsel. I mean...! I gotta see that! Anyway Fabio's dish did look & sound pretty yummeh.

MrsRW and I were pretty sure the old broad was going to be sent home. She's two for two - landing on the bottom both challenges. Come on... crumbled cookies on the bottom of an over-sweetened dessert something or other? Yeah... hit the road. Instead they punished Jill for having an incomplete thought. That didn't break anybody's heart.

So this is the Top Chef for New York. Where's Bourdain?

Labels: Food

SPOILER AFUCKINLERT!!!

Outside of the immediate elimination on the Quickfire not much difference than years before - meaning the automatic set-up for testosterone poisoning. Let's pit the European elitists against the American hardguy from New Yok. Yawn.

I'm not biting, and decide to just watch the food. I think they give you the side comments from people to distract you. Damn producers.

Everybody's dishes sound good to me, and it sounds as I'm watching the prep that it's all in the initial choices. Indeed - what the hell was Carla thinking? As I'm watching I'm thinking "bones in the fish again." But anyway that's the fun part. Take all the yadda yadda "I see that guy and it looks like he sucks" and stick it.

MrsRW and I figured the hardest cuisine was the Russian. My early affinity goes to Jamie the tattooed blonde lady because when she cooks she's on the focus and seems a lot like Stephanie (last year's winner) in just minding her work. I think that tells me something, and her dish looked pretty intense.

I drooled over the mango-jalepeno pork from the goofy Italian guy Fabio - but I obviously wasn't there to taste it because he ended up on the down side. At least carla didn't leave any bones in her smoked fish. I'm liking this Eugene's approach (he's the guy who didn't know a thing about Indian food and guessed - and then made - a "classic" plate). So with 8 minutes to go I'm looking at Jamie or Eugene (I'm typing on my new Mac laptop as it plays... let's see how I do).

Turns out Jamie didn't get called, but there's little Eugene. And it ended up Stefan. I get the feeling we're supposed to think he's an arrogant Finn guy and automatically not like him. Sort of playing on our lowest xenophobic denominator. I call set up. If he turns out to be a real prick in the end, oh well. From what it sounded like he nailed it - so give him his due and forget what the producers are trying to instill in us.

The loser was the student, Patrick. Only because - think of it - how can a student win Top Chef when you've got all these heavy hitters? None of these folks are neophytes. Except Patrick. So... bye. The debate was should the student go on the basis of inexperience, or do you chuck the lady with 20 years in who blew a basic skill? I think, in the end, they picked right. Let's get more real time next week.

Labels: Food

So I start the weight training Thursday. Right after work I put on my walking stuff and walk the mile to the center, crunch it up and then walk the mile back. Pretty cool. They'll be putting me in the movies when I'm done. Or the wagon...

But I still like to eat and I still love me my pig. My favorite kind of pig is the heavily breaded kind, with bread dumplings and lotsa gravy, and red cabbage, and beer. LOTSA beer. Obviously that will never do now, so we have to find alternatives to the favorites that still make me feel like I had a meal but won't continue to extend my gut toward Iowa. So the deal is we replace the thick yummy breading with a blackberry glaze. Take out the gravy and bread dumplings and bring in potatoes fried in pepper and olive oil. And instead of the red cabbage (salt salt salt) we go with asparagus tips. So let's get started.

That's a cup of fresh blackberries in a 12" frying pan (the flash really brought out the red in these shots, but it's blackberries alright). In with them you put mint (optional here is a 1/4 cup of fresh mint - I no likee so I no putee but the original recipe calls for it). 2 Tablespoons of brown sugar. 3/4 cup of beef broth. And a teaspoon of balsamic vinegar. On top of a high/medium flame in about 6/7 minutes it starts to boil and the berries start breaking down. Don't boil longer than that and help them break down with a fork, you'll strain the seeds out later.

You drain the mixture through a strainer, and it helps to take a ladle and push the juice out of the remaining bits so you get as much as you can in the bowl. You end up with kind of a paste left in the strainer. You don't need that. Seeds are there.

So I got my nice thick chops FROM A REAL BUTCHER that get salted and peppered on both sides while the oven is getting up to 420. Then you spoon the glaze on the top of the chops (I like to poke some holes in the meat with a fork a dozen times or so to let it seep in a bit), turn them and spoon the glaze on the other side. Then the oven DINGS and in you go. These are almost a full inch thick so we're going to go close to half an hour but around twenty minutes start regularly checking so they don't dry out.

My potatoes are skinned and sliced and frying in olive oil and pepper. There's a recipe for this elsewhere somewhere on the blog because this dish I've done quite a few times. The thing is I don't use salt on them. The olive oil and pepper is enough. Sometimes I'll add onions too. Fry them up until the edges are nice and toasty. The picture on the right is us peeking in to see how the chops are coming along on about the twenty minute mark. That's not "blood" that's the glaze. I added a little more. Then five more minutes.

And then, voila! Blackberry glazed pork chops, pepper-fried potatoes and asparagus tips. You can add some of the warmed-up glaze just before serving too. This is REAL good out on the grill, but it's thundering and lightning out there.

I used to eat two pork chops at a sitting. I had one and increased my usual asparagus pile a little. I want to eat, but I want to keep it sane.

I think they were pretty good.

Labels: Food

The vegetarians had the floor last time out and I thought it would be only fair if the carnivores had their say. I've decided to do it with something good for summer and also to highlight something I think most people miss out on and really should see if they can follow up on, no matter where they live.

There's nothing to this "recipe" and really it is only a process story but it's done to make a point. I want to stick up for your local butcher.

I'm not talking about the people behind the meat counter at the big-box grocery store or part grocery store / part department store or even the saver club you go to. I'm kind of talking about a good old fashioned butcher shop. You know, where they sell MEAT and that's pretty much it. Think they don't have them by you? You might be surprised - check the phone book. Er... you know what that is don't you? Butcher shops are Old School so they might not all be on the intertubes. But seriously, you may have one by you you never saw. I'm saying the price may be higher but you'd be surprised that you will probably get more value per dollar (less bone, waste and fat that isn't wanted) on stuff you get from a butcher than stuff you get at the same place you buy your soap. Look - I'm a cheap sumbitch, and I am saving money going to my butcher even if it SAYS so-much more a pound. I'm throwing very little away and there isn't a wasted cut in the whole box.

Plus here is something that would be hard to find in a big-box grocery store, if at all. This is freshmade Italian sausage up here. Notice how it is all in one piece, wrapped up by a natural casing that the butcher filled his own self. The second picture is the whole one piece of it spread out, and I cut it into bun-sized portions and get them boiling in the pot.

While that's messing around in the water I grab a yellow and red pepper (green is not one of MrsRW's faves, and you can also throw in an onion to chop right here - we just wanted peppers tonight). You cut them thar puppies up into nice bite-sized strips and sit them in separate foils. Why foils you say? Because we're going OUTSIDE with this recipe. Anyway just boil the Italian sausages until they turn gray and drain them good. I like to get off any excess fat that welled up during the boiling. Don't worry - you'll have enough.

The picture on the left shows my soldiers ready to be taken outside, but really I covered the sausages because I'm going to put the peppers on the grill first and I want the sausage to stay fresh while the peppers are going. So the grill goes up to 400 degrees and you put the peppers on there anywhere between 40 and 50 minutes. In the last six or seven minutes of that you will bring the sausages out and put them on the grill. I don't know judging time with this process, I want the skin to be browned on more than one side and I let the fire tickle them if that's what happens. When they look right, they're ready - is the best I can say. The third picture from the left is the full deal, peppers out of their foil and everything on one plate for serving. Finally, just warm up some marinara sauce (this was left over from some I made last week and froze), get the French Bread rolls toasted and let folks serve themselves.

Not much of a big complicated recipe, but I guarantee you the fact this stuff was picked up from an honest-to-goodness butcher shop meant everything. This one is yummeh.

By the way - yes - this sausage cut into little medallions and added to the home-made pizza recipe from last time? It does work y'all.

Labels: Food

This was the night of the feast and I have to say, honestly, I'm STUFFED - meatless or not! What follows feeds two people who aren't fat pigs REAL GOOD.

Now... there's no way - I recognize - that I'm going to be able to go toe to toe with people who have done this a million times; pros who did it for a living and got paid for it or people who have been doing it since day 1 of their adult life. Sorry. And I'm not asking for any kind of leeway just because I've only been cooking seriously for a year. But BACK THE FUCK OFF ANYHOW I'm doing the best I can YEAH!?

Wow. Thank you. I feel so much better now...

So here's the rest of the deal. Try it first, before you start whackin' on me. EAT IT.

RW'S KINDA MEDITERRANEAN PIZZA

I call it "kinda" because - to my way of thinking - Mediterranean pizza doesn't carry a whole bunch of Mozzarella on it. But I put it in there and you need to know that the added Mozzerella is MrsRW's request, and I do whatever she says always cater to my audience because that's just the kind of a guy I am.

Cue sequence...

1 1/2 cups Carrettiera Sauce
1 12" prepared pizza dough
1 small onion
1 yellow bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1/3 cup black olives, pitted, sliced
1/4 tsp. oregano (more or less)
2 tablespoons grated Romano cheese
2 tablespoons plain bread crumbs
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
Ground black pepper
Salt to taste
A bunch of shredded Mozzarella cheese.

Cut your fucking onions. Grate your fucking cheese. Measure all the shit out and then do this...

Put the pizza dough on a pizza screen and spread the Carrittiera Sauce you made yesterday on the pizza dough. Yes I have a recipe for pizza dough but I'm not that good at that yet so I bought a good thick and crispy pre-made one and you're just goin to have to live with that right now see? (picture #1)
Drink another glass of THIS (picture #2)
Sprinkle onion, red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, and black olives real nice all over the sauce so that everybody gets the same bite of everything. (picture #3)
Mix Romano cheese, bread crumbs, salt and black pepper together in a bowl and shake it out over the pizza. Then sprinkle the pizza with the olive oil. (picture #4)
Have another one of these. (see picture #2)
Put the Mozzarella cheese all over everything. (picture #5)

Preheat oven to 400, and when it beeps, stick the pizza in there and close the damn door.

(see picture #2)

Generally, I leave it in there for anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes. But at the end I'm watching the cheese because I HATE burned cheese. So when it's nice and melted but not burned and I figure the veggies are somewhat softer than fresh-crunchy, I take it out. Picture #6 is what it should look like when you take it out. Picture #7 is your close-up, just before you dive in.

Note- if making your own dough keep it in there for about a half an hour.

Right after you cut it into slices switch to wine. Then come here and write a fucking post, stuffed as if you've eaten something with a lot of meat in it.

It's good. MrsRW liked it and said "I could have this every day." Well, SHE CAN'T. I'm going on the deck and having a cigar with some whiskey on ice. Ta 4 nao.

Labels: Food

So our review posts of Top Chef have come to an end for another season. But I'm still as interested in food and making food than ever; in fact even more than I've been in the past since I do dinner most nights of every week. So far I haven't gotten tired of it at all. In fact I look forward to doing it and am usually disappointed when it's just pop this in the toaster oven and wait a half hour kind of meal. That's not making anything, that's just opening a box. No talent needed. And, yeah, sometimes I surrender to it. But I really get off when it's hands-on, cut this, slice that, chiffonade those. Can't explain it.

So here's the first installment of something I'm making for dinner tomorrow that required I do something a day ahead. This is the day ahead. You vegetarians pay attention, this is a meatless meal coming up! Normally it's just an appetizer, but in mass quantity it's a really good light meal for a summer evening. Full details next post. Here's the day-ahead prep thingee...

RW's Carrettiera Sauce

6 to 8 medium tomatoes
2 to 4 cloves fresh, crushed garlic
6 to 8 basil leaves, smashed
1 tsp. ground sea salt
1/4 tsp. crushed black pepper
1/4 to 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
Pinch of red pepper (optional)

Cut the tomatoes in half and scoop out the seeds. (picture 1)
Grate the tomatoes over a bowl and discard the skin. (picture 2)
Add everything else (picture 3)
Mix em up. (picture 4)
Keep in the refrigerator over night.

We're going to use this tomorrow on my Mediterranean Pizza. It's meatless but very satisfying even to non-vegetarians. I did, in fact, first make it as an appetizer but on a big ol' pizza dough thing it'll work for an easy dinner for two.

Tune in again tomorrow evening for the next exciting adventure of pigs in space.....

Labels: Food

Is Stepahnie who used to have a restaurant in my old neighborood HAHAHAHAHA. Oops I must have forgot the spoiler alert. Oh gosh gee whiz & golly. Pleh.

The thing of it was this obviously wasn't her best all-around though I can see why a person should get extra consideration for the main course. I mean, that's the centerpiece is it not? I think so. Undercooked leeks and a kind of blah desert almost sunk her ship because Lisa was right there and Richard (Richard, Richard, RICHARD) may have changed the landscape with his last minute admission of choking. Gees dude, you might have taken the desert round enough to give Stephanie the cover she needed to make this straight-up on points if you'd have just SHUT UP.

It has to be said that love her or hate her Lisa performed tonight. You've got to give it to her. Only a rummy couldn't admit that she stepped it up and threw down the gauntlet. But a question does come to mind here on the tail of this. Namely, could they have honestly given the prize to Lisa after so many finishes in the bottom 2, 3, and 4? I mean - what would it have felt like if she won? How many talks from Chef Tawm have we had for four seasons about consistency and staying power, that would have been brought down moot if they'd given the prize to Lisa? Would that mean to future contestants that you can just snake by, nail it in the final and you're the best young chef in America? I don't think so. So the weight given to the final meal has to be somewhat tempered by the overall performance. If Stephanie had totally lost it and fell on her face, then obviously she wouldn't have won. But who was second?

I'm only asking because of my hypothetical. If Stephanie was a dud tonight and everything else was the same, would they have had to give it to Lisa? Obviously Richard consistently hit low notes all night.

This is, if nothing else, an argument against what many people have criticized TopChef for - especially the last two years - that the producers either have too much say or are wrong for possibly engineering good guy / bad guy face offs. What I mean is that if the final three were based on a producer's strategy they were playing a crapshoot. If Stephanie failed, they have a VERY big issue to deal with; the image of someone who was mostly a complete and total failure as the winner. I think the folks at Bravo - if there is indeed this kind of set-up going on - really need to think about it more deeply. A cook-off between Stephanie, Richard, and Antonia would have put the best three chefs in the big game and everybody knows it.

But - whew - she did it. The first woman winner of Top Chef and can't nobody say the producers manufactured her. She did it. We cheered. I mean come on - she was constantly in the top echelon of all but one challenge. Wutchu TAWKIN about!?

The Chicago kid (yeah I know she's originally from CT but she lives HERE now) nails the Chicago season. And Charlie Trotter wasn't there while faux grois was. Which is why he wasn't, because he's the jimoke who got it outlawed in Chicago.

And so now you know, as Paul Harvey said, the rest of the story.

WTG kid!

Labels: Food

THE WHOLE THING IS A SPOILER ALERT FFS

Working on this on the wife's laptop in full view of the show, real time. But I'm not going to publish until it's over. It's first commercial right now and Stephanie wins her first quickfire. This was like the first quickfire where she didn't look like she was shaking like crazy for. As I sit here now it seems that Antonia and Richard look not very loose.

So they trot out four other contestants as sous chefs. Spike, Dale, Andrew and Nikki. Stephanie, as winner of the quickfire, gets to assign the sous chefs to each of the finalists. She had a chance to do a little screwing here, but her first impression was to assign as fairly as possible because (paraphrasing) she wanted to have everybody at their best. Problem being, look around, there's really no one to give to Lisa that she didn't have some case with. Um... Pa hahahahahahaha. Anyway... face it she's a fascist.

Coming out of the kitchen, what with DALE's stupidass LEAVING THE GODDAMN PORK BELLIES UNREFRIGERATED OVER NIGHT IN FRAKKIN PUERTO RICO, and Antonia looking a little "not her usual self", it looked like Richard had it most together.

The judges were admirably non-committal - obviously we are being sucked into the mystery and suspense. I keep looking at the contestants making their side comments to determine who has been crying and who is over-happy as maybe that will tip it off but no luck. I can't figure out when they film that. Oh well.

Richard and Stephanie made it to the top, with Richard toning it down strategically and hitting his home run (which gets him a holyshit Car!?) I don't think this is a surprise to anyone. Either one of those two could go all the way and hardly anyone could squawk.

So from the way they staged it, it looked like Antonia's string ran out. Of course it isn't that I want or am rooting for Lisa to go home - it's just that I'd rather they find a small remote island and just kinda leave her on it. OK she can have some coconuts. And maybe a soccer ball and a bloody hand. But, you know... hell, 91% of the other viewers think she should go as well.

And.......... it was Antonia who had to go. WRONG

So it's between Richard and Stephanie in the final. Lisa gets to be the token jerk, and proved it at the end when she practically climbed down everybody's throat for not congratulating her.

Hey Lisa...? Go choke on a kumquat.

Labels: Food

Ok I am surprised we didn't see Chicago's #1 overblown, overpriced, over-estimated chef d'Chicago, also known as Charlie Trotter. In fact, I'm astounded since he has the (undeserved) reputation of being Chicago's best ever. He is the host/chef/owner/proprietor/boy wonder of a place called... duh... Charlie Trotter's. He is expert at two and three hundred dollar meals made up of overpriced dollops of foliage, greedy little shards of undercooked meat and slivers of fruit bits decorating strands of something or other from some island nobody ever heard of. Or something. And you have to sell your first born just to afford the smear on the plate.

Of course there's nothing saying he WON'T be the final judge in Puerto Rico. I half expect it. And if he is they're all going to go gahgah googoo geejee woooheee omygod omygod omygod over it. But I'm telling you - don't fall for it. Charlie Trotter's restaurant has been going on fumes and reputation for at least the last ten of their twenty year run. It's bullshit. And I'm kind of hoping they don't bring him along next week. If you're ever in Chicago - don't go there. K?

I'm glad they went and got a REAL steakhouse guy to be the judge this time. Rick Tramonto's has a long standing reputation for good old steak and seafood. Expensive, but not the most expensive. And you at least get what you pay for. Unlike the other guy, where you are mostly buying HOT AIR.

Anyway... SPOILER ALERT FFS!!
Spike gets his just deserts. It was fun to see him and Lisa (the one-fifth of the Final Four) stand there with their faces out, called out on the carpet. He - once again - gets the benefit from the quickfire by getting to make the first choices for his menu... and the stupid moron goes for the frozen scallops. Numbnuts. Then of course he blames the restaurant for having them in there in the first place. Uh... FLUNK there bub (though - hint hint - I guess this means never order the scallops at Tramonto's AAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA... urp).

Anyway he flopped, and it wasn't just the scallops. Quite obviously everything he made would have probably been top of the line at a diner somewhere.

And Lisa - Jesus Holy God she has this face that says "you're an idiot" any time ANYbody has something to say about her food. You know what? Weak link right there. She's promised to "bring it" a dozen times and never has. I think we can discount her.

And though I can accept any of the last three as the final winner next week, I'm still holding out for Stephanie. Because, you know, she had that restaurant in... you know... my old neighborhood. And so forth. Anyway Antonia and Richard are true pros, and have usually always been in or near the top of just about every challenge. I like their styles and Richard - whose stuff can seem a little pretentious - has really impressed me with his otherwise regular guy approach. Antonia, on the other hand, just keeps shining and shining brighter and brighter, and her food is approachable by anybody yet - obviously - even just anybody is going to get something good.

However... I got my sites set on the almost nearly perfect, the usually always at the top, the winner of multiple challenges, the unflappable, the unstoppable, the genuinely serene Stephanie. The FIRST woman winner of Top Chef. And we got us a good one.

Labels: Food

I allow Bourdain in my city because though he's never ONCE brought his own show to Chicago that I can remember he at least once gave the Chicago style hot dog its due. So he was here tonight as Head Judge and now he can go back to New York and don't come back here until you want to show us off. Bye.

I lost my "Chicago Notes" section weeks ago. I don't have anything to tell you about since, I don't know, for weeks. What this means is you're going to have to come here yourself. All there is to it.

And now here's the SPOILER ALERT, ffs

TopChef's signature challenge - Restaurant Wars. Make a restaurant that opens TOMORROW. Fan favorite, and has really exposed people's shortcomings in the past.

Was there any doubt?

I mean, as soon as they split up into teams it was like it was over. And I mean there was NO mystery in this one. Even the reactions of the judges DURING the taste off tipped the hand. And I have to tell you, except for the chocolate smear thing that did look a little goofy, I would have SO ordered what Stephanie, Antonia and Richard put out there. Every. Last. Item. And the manner in which they worked everything out was all pro - just remember it was Nikki who, coming back to lend a hand, pointed out the grit in the shellfish. Richard missed something very much like that once before and survived by the virtue of somebody else's miasma that time. They really need to give Nikki a big hug.

As for Team Disaster. Let's put it this way; Spike REMAINS the slimiest weasel I've ever seen on this show but - like Bourdain said - he picked a good night to be in the front of the house.

Dale and Lisa.... Dale. And Lisa. Like most of the "mouths" I've known in life the minute they hit a bump they're all BWAAAAA. But you could have just as easily flipped a coin and sent Lisa home as well. Can anybody tell me what she's made that was actually good? She won a round, and I think it was something she could make in her sleep or something, but ever since then I can't remember one good thing she's done.

So anyway Dale, because the one who plays "executive chef" in Restaurant Wars is always the one who goes home, got what was coming to him. But - I'll be honest - If next week either Richard, Stephanie or Antonia go home because of some process or other, and BOTH Spike and Lisa get in...? I call bullshit, and that's a fact.

In the meantime Stephanie wins!!! And because I've been backing her FROM THE START and called it from Episode Two ("this is the first female winner on Top Chef"), she's taking me to Spain. Just so you know.

Yes, it's true - I am that "for two" she's taking. First tapas, and then I convince her to go to my favorite little place in Iberia... elBulli. Because Stephanie...? She listens to me now. Yes. Yes that's right, I am chef whisperer.

Labels: Food

It appears we has entered the kingdom of snark!

Weh-hell now my son-in-law is a peace officer in a police department for a smaller town on the near south side of Chicago. He is also SWAT trained and doesn't afraid of anything. So I will hereby bury my unofficial feelings about Chicago's finest (cough.. hack...aggg...hooooah...cough) and just smile.

No really peace officers are the salt of the Earth and where would society be without the blue knights. Eh? Huh? Answer me!

The only thing you got to see tonight that was uniquely Chicago was the checkerboard band around the base of our officers' hats. They do that in Britain and we do it here. Now aren't you just ready to croak? See a Chicago cop hat and die. Who needs Paris...

OK enough of that. It's going NOwhere - just like Top Chef's display of Chicago. Like I said - may as well be in freakin' Milwaukee.
SPOILER ALERT FFS!

Very very very smart. Dale and Stephanie really made the perfect choices to fulfill the idea of healthy and satisfying. Dale substituted bison for beef (very low on fat content and fools the rather beefy members of the academy into thinking they can has burger). But as an advocate of antelope, kangaroo, ostrich and goat (all exceptionally low fat and I LOVE them all!), I really thought using a low-fat red meat was pretty smart for the circumstances. Equally smart was Stephanie's hearty soup. Soup - in this town and many other colder climates - is certainly seen as "hearty" and filling. PLUS if you season it right you can chock it full of good-for-you stuff that always tastes better in a soup and - again minding the seasoning - you don't have to pour a mountain of salt in it either. So Dale wins. And I have to say, as much as I wish he'd grow up, he was a good boy tonight. And Stephanie was in the final best again! I think it's cute how, even after all this time, she still gets nervous in the Quickfires. Anyway top group again - Woo. Did I tell you she used to have a restaurant in my...

ahem

They lined up Andrew, Spike and Lisa and MrsRW and I were pretty much saying "oh just shoot them all out of a cannon and let's go." Lisa is incompetent. Sorry to say. WAHing about somebody moving her flame setting? SABOTAGE! You bastards...! If I'm not mistaken this is the second time she said what she was going to do and... basically didn't do it. Yeah that was no stir fry.

And Andrew - forgetting the grain and also that we are TALKING ABOUT CHICAGO POLICE MEN DUDE - serves up sushi. Or at least a kind of sushi. That was a mess. Chicago cops and sushi go together like a tailgate party and a delicate California seasonal mix. And they already sent someone home for that misread.

Then Spike. Well, I saw him go into Whole Foods and say "I'm basically going to screw these people and take all the standard stuff out of their hands." Then, when nailed among the bottom three goes "no, I chose those for me." What a weasel. WEA-sel. You little, big-talkin' hat-wearin punky weasel. WEASEL! A chicken sandwich from McDonald's looked better than his no brainer.

When they were standing there it was like "Attitude Row." None of them ever believed the judges knew better on anything. They argued and bitched and motivated and excused and WAHHH'd like they always have. Get rid of them all, we said. But no - Andrew goes, if only because he didn't really duplicate the challenge.

Looks like the Final Four will be Stephanie, Richard, Dale and Antonia. Antonia's stock has been rising in my estimation. I still can't get over Dale's infantile recidivism. Richard cooks stuff I'd love to try and has been a grown-up throughout. And Stephanie used to have a restaurant in my old neighb...

...is also good.

We're gettin' there!

Labels: Food

Besides about 30 seconds of Blues and a different picture of the city from a different angle than the stock clips we've been given all the while, there is - once again - nothing for me to tell you about in the way of a Chicago connection except for the judge who, according to Stephanie, is the best pastry chef in the city. I'll take her word for it. MrsRW is in Las Vegas right now so my pastry expert is not reachable for this review. Anyway, I'm hoping they show off my city better soon. And I have a prediction - who wants to bet me that Charlie Trotter (supposedly the ultimo chef of Chicago) comes in when we're down to the last test in Chicago? Any takers? It's getting obvious that's what is going to happen. Why shouldn't Mr. Anti-foie gras get that job - he's been selling tiny dollops of overpriced foliage for years and getting away with it. He'd fit right in with SPOLIER ALERT FFS some of the personalities in this crew.

So they send home the New Yorker and it needs to be said she really hadn't done much of anything up until now. Nikki made a lot of pasta and should have confronted Dale and got him to stop bwaaaaaaaaaaing long enough to make food. It irks me that Dale is still there. Seems to me the comment by Colicchio should have said it all - Dale did "most of the work" and "most of the work" wasn't very good.

I was sitting there wondering if they're too intimidated to yank his ass. But it's got to happen sooner or later. Was I the only one who started laughing when - like a perulant little prima donna - he stood there with his arms folded challenging people about this or that vegetable? Oh YEAH, what about the zucchini!


I do think, however, that tonight's winner(s) are going to both be in the finals. I'm noticing a pattern of relatively sane people being the ones keeping their heads and coming through in the crunch. They gave it to Richard who gave it to Stephanie who declared they'd split the prize money. I will note that, yes true, it is a whole lot easier to be magnanimous when you're on the winning team but - correct me if I'm wrong - this is the second time I've seen Richard go out of his way to spotlight someone else's contribution. Gee - a good guy who is a formidable chef as well. In the meantime Stephanie got her groove back big time - and did I tell you that's my bet and that she used to run a restaurant in what was my old neighborh..... Oh yeah I guess I did that.

Pretty sure we're going to see Richard and Stephanie in the finals. Who is the third?

Labels: Food

Learn something new every day. I've lived here 99% of my life and never heard of Common Threads. Of course I've only been to the top of Sears Tower once as well and that wasn't all that long ago... so. That's all I got for the "Chicago Notes", except to say that I don't see what the big deal of having a featured city is if you're not going to feature the damn city. I mean after looking up the web site I'm glad Common Threads is getting some notice... but the last couple of times - let me ask you - if someone hadn't told you this was in Chicago... would you know?

I hope they get back to like they started so I can show off more of my city.

OK - SPOILER ALERT FFS

The chefs were joined by some very impressive kids who obviously knew their way around the kitchen, in a cook-off that was based on a family meal that was nutritional, simple, and that would satisfy people. AND DO IT FOR 10 BUCKS

It looked like, or sounded like by listening to the judges, that it could have gone either way between Nikki and Antonia. Both had the personal background for it. According to the stories Nikki pretty much had to learn to cook for herself and Antonia is actually a Mom who has to do this kind of thing. Personally Nikki's would have been my favorite if only because of the "one pot" factor and (OK I admit it) something about her story was a little more compelling. Antonia, she of the FISH Polish Sausage last week (where's my eye-roll smiley?), won the round on what looked like a perfectly balanced blend that copied the challenge guidelines perfectly. I'd say her story is less compelling because she thinks you can substitute FISH for Polish Sausage but = hey - live and let live you know? The interesting thing was that she won both the Quickfire and the main challenge. I'm not sure I remember anybody doing that. Having immunity didn't slow her down, so she earned it.

The bottom three were Lisa, Mark and... (sob) Stephanie. Lisa was up there because she continues to have these seasoning issues. Mark was there because - face it - he's a complete slob (I don't know about you, but I caught him double-dipping and then just stirring it all up again. Tasting is usual for chefs, but I have this feeling that he's a slob and so it worries me to see that spoon go back in there). And Stephanie - I dunno - Judge Tom was right - wtf was peanut butter and tomato on top of pasty couscous?? I think "telling comment was telling" - somebody said of Steph, "you could tell she is a restaurant chef and not a family kitchen cook" or words to that effect. Luckily I think some of her past successes are what saved her. But she better get that mojo working again NAOW.

As much as I would like to see Lisa take a hike at this point (I can't be the only one who notices she is incredibly and constantly dismissive of the judges), if only for the fact that two weeks ago I was defending her from loudmouth Dale because he allowed her to have exactly two minutes of enjoyment of her win before he started yelling at her and holding his dick (for some reason). So I felt sorry for her or - at least - thought it wasn't very fair that she wasn't given her moment. But now - hate to say it - maybe Dale knew something I didn't?

But Mark goes home to Kiwiland. And, yeah, he's thrown up some ugly clunkers. I don't think he'd plated one thing well and after the vegamite pizza at the start which won him points for courage, he's been a dud since. And a greasy-looking dud at that.

Next week looks like a wedding? Well I know one thing for sure - It will not be a marriage between Fish and Polish Sausage.

Labels: Food

TRIVIA QUESTION
What do Alan Arkin, Edward Asner, Dan Akroyd, John Belushi, Shelly Berman, Peter Boyle, John Candy, Stephen Colbert, Chris Farley, Valerie Harper, Elaine May, Tim Meadows, Bill Murray, Mike Myers, Mike Nichols, Gilda Radner, Joan Rivers, Martin Short, Jerry Stiller, George Wendt, AND RW (me) have in common?

ANSWER: At one time they all tried out for Second City.

And only one of them didn't make it! Wooo! They took a stupid old no-talent guy named Bill Murray instead of somebody else and the rest, as they say, is history.

So tonight's challenge was as follows: The audience at Chicago's premier and looooong-running (uh... yeah... that says Joan Rivers in that list eh? Uh-huh) improv yelled out a color a condition and a food and that's the menu item given to the teams. So there was "green perplexed tofu" and - I don't know I can't remember - something like gray miserable worms or something like that.

OK - SPOILER ALERT, FFS

Real impressed with the two top teams and I have to say "a tofu that didn't know it wasn't a steak" was really a great "improvisation" and - wonder of wonders - Dale actually got along with somebody long enough to make a really good team mate this time. Dale and Richard were... I don't know... adults? And the creativity came through. Spike and the wiry/overcharged guy (whatshisname) came in second and Spike's squash soup (which he wanted to make earlier but was out-voted) VINDICATED him this time. It was neat to see him talk about "layering the flavors" while making it and then have the judges say "best-seasoned meal of the whole competition so far." So kudos to Dale (cough) and Richard (yay) for making tofu look like, you know, something halfway good. Because... I mean tofu. PLEH.

The loser of the night was Jennifer and - I have to say since I'm backing Stephanie, who shared the dull gray light with her after they created some limp dick something or other (Wait. Wait. Was that it??) - she really was the one who dragged the dish down. The bread was her idea (judges hated, even Stephanie said "um, I wouldn't do that") and the usurping of the plate by the goat cheese (also Jennifer's idea) - which wasn't even part of the improvisation - was also her creation.

But I don't know.

Antonia and Lisa had "magenta drunken Polish Sausage" and made fish. Um... And then they drank tequila when they introduced it to people. And... um... it was fish.

The city of Chicago has the second largest Polish-heritage population in the WORLD. I should know, I'm one of them. Magenta / drunken / Polish Sausage. Any good, red-blooded Polish-heritaged American boy will tell you without blinking - RED CABBAGE. BEER. POLISH SAUSAGE. Not... um... fish.

And Lisa, who really let me down with her take on this after I talked her up last week, wasn't bright enough to make her own sausage since "the stuff I had was always dry and bad and etc." They didn't realize HEY - DIDN'T THIS ALREADY HAPPEN ONCE where somebody used store-bought sausage and got nailed for it. Wasn't that like... like... like maybe LAST WEEK? And you can't tell me Whole Foods doesn't have good Polish Sausage. This is CHICAGO. And did I tell you what they made was fish?

No, for all her destruction of the dish for her team by her brilliant ideas that all went limp (heh heh) Jennifer wasn't the one who should have been sent home. I would have run both Antonia and Lisa out on a rail tonight.

Inane comment of the show goes to Lisa. "If I lose because I should have done sausage and beer just because some drunk in the audience yelled out Polish Sausage... I don't know." Like she wasn't supposed to follow the same rules as anybody else?

Lisa. Yeah. You just lost me. And what the hell were you two thinking?

Polish Sausage Polish Sausage. Hmmm. What should we do? HMMM. I know... FISH!!! Oh give me the opium now.

Labels: Food

See, that's what I'm talking about. Sausage. Sausage and ribs and burgers. Ribs, burgers, and BACON. Not... for the love of God... mediocre California fare... fair... fairy food. Desert. DeSERT at a tailgate party. OK OK - hold it asecond, I have a public service to do here... (ahem)

SPOILER ALERT FFS

But first, here is a picture of Soldier Field - where tonight's tailgate party took place - as it looked when it was an actual Landmark. Currently, the renovation (well OK the 1920's bathrooms were a little dodgy... so to speak) sort of makes it look more like a spaceship with columns. But here we have - further proof - that Chicago is so architecture crazy, that when we want to play football we play it in a building that looks like this...

... because, yes, we are Old School right down to our feet. Even if - now - if you were to picture a flying saucer parked inside of it from here you would have what it looks like. The... uh... mistake by the Lake.

And though the Bears only win an NFL championship once every 20/25 years we pack more fun in our winning seasons than most teams pack in an entire generation of seasons. Outside of that we eat. And we eat pork and we eat steak. We eat burgers (even if they're made out of pork) and we eat ribs. Chicken on a stick is good. Wings too. And beer. And we're obsessive about what our town looks like. Seeing a pattern? We love our teams. When they suck we love our food. If we're full... Dude! Architecture!

OK here's the blow by blow.

The California geeky guy - Ryan - goes home because he didn't understand the basic concept. "I wanted to do a Chicago tailgate party California style!"

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.


Lolwut??

That monstrosity of brilliant deduction was the only think that stood between the Aussie Mark and destruction because, I'll tell you, tasting with a spoon and then putting the spoon back in the POT? No. Sorry. To be honest, I really would have preferred he go. Come on, lick the spoon and serve with it? That's the class you take BEFORE Cooking 101. I would have voted him off. But the judges (HEY WE GOT SOME CHICAGO JUDGES! From avec. Sorry never been there.) in their infinite wisdom sent the dipwad from the left coast home. And didn't he screw up a basic thing in the first challenge where people were going "wtf? Does he know what that word means?"

AND in the meantime, the other dipwad wins. Dale. OK his apology wasn't really an apology and I hope Lisa eventually kicks his ass whether he's from Chicago and a lifelong Bears fan or what. He's a shithead. But he won. Ribs. Yeah there ya go.

But did you notice who was in the top three YET AGAIN? STEPHANIE! Who will be the first female winner in Top Chef history and had a restaurant in my old... you know... did I mention neighborhood?

She's low key and unassuming and kind of too nice and just does her food and is a normal person. And did I mention where she used to have a restaurant? Yeah. I'd get on that bandwagon like NOW!

Labels: Food

I'm going to do the Chicago Notes part on top because Top Chef is mangling itself this season and my city along with it. Question... where did they hold the dinner in which the contestants were making the first course for last night? Anybody? Did you catch it? No. No, you didn't. That's because they didn't tell you. And it was yet another omission - along with guest chefs from everywhere but Chicago - made by this increasingly irritating program. There was one rather oblique reference given by one of the chefs when they went into the kitchen ("We're in the kitchen of the old Marshall Field's... and it's huge."), and if you were crunching cheetohs when he said it you might have missed it.

Well, two things; Number One the original Marshall Field's is now owned and re-named as MACY'S. Which I found rather strange because there was the expected Macy's commercial (notice a theme here?) but no where in the text of the show was "Macy's" mentioned. Not that I mind the mistake (the Macy execs should complain about it though - everybody else gets a mention in the show as well as the commercial). That was minor compared to the next goof up.

Where were they eating? Anybody care to know? Anyone NOT from Chicago have any idea? No? Gee. I wonder why. The idiots at Top Chef failed to mention that they were serving this dinner in the Walnut Room. Colicchio (No, we don't need his restaurants in Chicago, thank you very much) stood on a platform introducing the game to the diners. During Christmas, on this platform, is a multi-story Christmas tree under which a train usually circles and around which people sit in an almost 100-year old Chicago tradition known as Breakfast Under The Tree. Breakfast Under The Tree for God's sake! As in, yeah, this is where MrsRW and I go most every Christmas season to have champagne and waffles before heading off to the Magnificent Mile to look at the decorated windows and do some shopping and spend the weekend downtown during the Christmas season. The WALNUT ROOM you yahoos at Top Chef. 101 years old. Dummies. Is it any wonder Chicago sometimes feels a little abused by the prune-brains from the left and right coasts? they don't even have the presence to tell you where you are. Like if they were in New York and did something in the Tavern on the Green I'd like to be told that, and see that. And I'd be all "wow, Tavern on the Green - cool!" And if they were on the left coast if they were going to be at an In N Out (I love those) I'd like them to tell me about doing your In N Out "animal style." But here in Chicago, we get a throw away line naming the place and USING THE WRONG NAME ANYWAY.

Flunk, Top Chef. Flunk flunk flunk. Shit for brains...

SPOILER ALERT BELOW PICTURE FFS ADAM

(go ahead, click to get the big picture of this)

This week's edition of "gay anger on parade" saw the ever-rationalizing Zoi finally booted to the sidelines where she belongs. And hopefully her dram-o life partner goes next time. I'm disappointed in these two for one reason - when they made a big deal about how they were a (oooooooooo) lesbian couple people were all "gasp... omg" and I was sitting there saying "so the fuck what? People can do that. Get over it." So i was kind of on their side at first because - what the hell business is it of anyone's/ but as the weeks went on I became more "oh go away, you two are shit heads the both of yuh." And Zoi's comment last week about 'well if THAT'S what the judges want I'm OUTTA here." And you got your wish. Good riddance.

Worse than all this combined last night though was Dale, who is striving very hard for the Asshole of the Year Award to the point of - if I was ever in a restaurant of his I'd send plates back to his kitchen just to see him lose it. And I'd do it again and again till he threw me out and the hundreds of dollars of food I wasted with it. My case with him was that he was so piqued that he didn't win, and had positioned himself (in the legendary realm of his own mind) as the natural king of the world, that when Lisa (who because she stood her ground and changed the direction of a team that was about to fail and drove them to win basically on her own) was declared the winner he had to get on her case behind the scenes and get all on her with ghetto-shaped finger waving (and why was he holding his dick when he did it?) to make her winner's glow shut down so she couldn't even enjoy it/ What a perfect asshole. May he get his nose cut off next time he gets too close to a well-executed chiffonade. Go Lisa. Fuck you Dale.

Meanwhile I am SO disappointed in Richard, whose missing of apparently countless scales on every other piece of salmon served to 80 people is perfectly and unconscionably inexcusable. He was only saved by Zoi's complete ridiculousness (how do you serve bland stuff and stand there and say "I like FLAVOR and BOLDNESS" - and isn't that the second time she did that?).

But note who was in the winning team YET AGAIN! Stephanie!! The woman who had a restaurant (ahem, he says again) IN MY OLD NEIGHBORHOOD, and who I am now officially 100% behind to be the first female winner of this show.

You go kid!

Labels: Food

SPOILER ALERT!

What? Didn't you see the "spoiler alert" up there? If you read the "spoiler alert" what are you reading this far for because you know I'm about to say that Richard won. And I don't mean Roeper.

I know the producers are trying their best to give us a "Chicago slant" on everything but most people in Chicago don't even know Aisha Tyler was born here and Richard Roeper, though he started out as just a general columnist is the nice-guy replacement for Gene Siskel along with Roger Ebert, isn't really identified all that much with Chicago outside of Chicago. Plus I have no architectural wonders to brag and show pictures of, because Aisha and Roeper were... kind of... it, actually.

Anyway a combination fish and white chocolate thing took the day and I have to say that sounds pret-ty freakin disgusting and yet there's a part of me that would try it if presented to me. What I thought was funny was I think Zoi saying "if that's what the judges want I'm outta here." Um... OK, so go. Obviously they made it work and even more obviously you don't get it. So, yeah, maybe go. So what?

I saw one thing interesting this time though and that was on the team that lost (I dunno, Vietnamese South American fish something or other) the team mates refused to throw the other guy under the bus. i thought that was cool. I think the "well, losers, which one of you would you eliminate?" is kind of a set-up drama thing that is really a pandering piece of crap question. This time the boys were better than the producers and said, in effect, "nah, I don't play like that." And I give them both a lot of credit.

In the meantime MY OLD NEIGHBORHOOD'S Stephanie was once again among the top groups. Watch out, gang. Though I am pretty impressed by Richard's mind and ideas, his haircut still bothers me and I'm thinking Bucktown's own Stephanie just might be that first female top chef. And would that ever be cool er what?

Labels: Food

A good old fashioned block party which are a summertime expectation in many parts of the city and suburbs was ruined only by the presence of "Chicago's own" Rick Bayless who, along with the other guy (who will no doubt be shown at the end so they can make a big deal out of his overwrought majesty) make up two of the town's so-called shining stars. You know - when Erik (who was dismissed tonite) said that he didn't think a taco could or should be fine dining and Bayless could basically go fcuk himself during the Quick Fire? Yeah. Erik had that right. He's just very puffed up and not really all that but he had a local show on PBS so woo hoo. Nuff said.

The winner was (for the second time) a real Chicago chef who had a restaurant in my old neighborhood (see the first review here - WITH PICTURES!) Stephanie. Who looked surprised. In fact she looked surprised and the team that lost looked surprised and I thought this was one of the weaker episodes. We have to go through a few more team challenges but I hope they limit that.

Chicago Notes
Are you guys LUCKY! You got to see a Chicago neighborhood filled with Chicago-style bungalows! The style exists in many other towns around the country but the seed for the style and the term started here. I told you - we are architecture crazy in this town. These were basically middle class homes with a prarie style feeling that often included stained glass eyelet windows and a lot of built-in pantries and cubbies, tons of woodwork and dormers and - not very big because their origins were strictly middle-class - they have now become practically landmarks denoting a specific style that has increased immensely in value and are as of now exceptionally hard to come by and afford.

(you really ought to click to get full sized, you know. You really should)
Remodeled and restored bungalows are a treasure. There are bungalows in this town that are run down and shabby, and if the folks in them now just had the understanding of it, a few months work could turn their house into a sought-after trinket. Even in this difficult housing market.

Yes, MrsRW and I drooled a little when we saw them.

Labels: Food

I'm going to put a hold on rikrolling you for just a little while as I butter the internet with my manic verbosity. After this entry I would humbly request you go over to see my guest post at Miss Britt's. I ask this because she has a mammoth readership and thousands of comments an entry and she's a little busy lately and asked me over and I think if her regulars see it isn't her today they will just walk away and she'll have a post with like 7 comments and I'll have to kill myself. So please go there later so my family can keep eating?
-----------------
Top Chef went into one of our two great zoos Wednesday night and teamed out the contestants using a basic concept of the diet of certain animals. Last week's winner barely squeaked (squoke?) by this time and the ultimate loser was sent home on account of her ancient blini. The winner was Andrew who - for all the manic baggage he seems to carry around with him (to the point where I'd just like to shake him) - I have to admit he seemed to have the most fun with this and seemed to carry his team along with him. So good for him, just tone the hell down already, yeah?

For the second week in a row we have had to endure New York chefs and personas in our city. And I may as well say it right now - as much as I love the delis, want to try Gray's Papaya once before I die, and have a couple friends out there who are just the best....... fuck New York already. All I'm saying, though I could go on.

Chicago Notes
And why I love my city. Tonight people around the country got to see - even if it only lent atmosphere - one of the reasons Chicagoans have an attachment to their town no matter where else they may go or even live. It's funny how many people from Chicago talk about how much they love their city but that isn't where they live! Oh well... you have to be from here to understand. We know our architecture, that's for sure. I mean, we have entire tours for just the architecture. This is the home of the Prairie School. And marker names in the field. Burnham. Wright. Sullivan. Tonite we played inside Café Brauer, which was designed in 1908 by Prairie School architect Dwight Perkins. And what you didn't see is the lagoon in front of it where you can take your date paddle-boating surrounded by trees and classic American design. Then you can get off and go see some animals. Then go to a classy restaurant. Then finish the night in a little jazz club somewhere out in the neighborhoods. Yeah you need to see it.

I mean... we live with this...


Now please make me look good over at Britt's? Pretty please?

Labels: Food

Though it is a capital offense to overcook duck (and also take the fat off... what a knob head), Nimma's oversalted shrimp and cauliflower baby food gets to take a hike on the first entry of this year's Top Chef. MrsRW and I noted that when they do the line-ups there are two key phrases that will start to tip you off about what the judges are thinking and "inedible" is the one word to listen for. My early favorite is the guy with the pointy hair. He seems to be inspired by Ferran Adrià the wizard of El Bulli (a restaurant I am considering putting on my "bucket list" if I dare) and that hits my "zone" right off the bat. Plus he's kind of soft-spoken for a dude with pointy hair. He should just comb it in a part and let the food talk.

Chicago Notes
This episode's winner, Stephanie, brings a Chicago connection to the game right off the bat. The former chef/owner of Scylla got first prize, shaky hands and all. Scylla used to be on the 1900 block of Damen Ave in a part of Chicago known as Bucktown. And Bucktown is where I was born and raised. And if you take a look at this map here and follow Cortland St to Wood St you will be at my old house when I was a kid -except the house I grew up in is gone and replaced with a mansion (1802 Cortland) since Bucktown has gone from Polish-Catholic-Working Class to Artist-Doctors-Lawyers-Art Colony. So that's one thing.

Other notes: Of course the first stop was Pizzaria Uno (no link provided) because that is the birthplace of the deep dish pizza and yadda yadda. I guess to me it's like when you live in a place you never see the sights. Sort of like that.

The worst part was the stupid Glad commercial showing the "super Mom" or whatever displaying a plate that had a hot dog......... WITH KETCHUP. Ketchup on a hot dog is FAIL, esPECIALly when you are dealing with Chicago. So yeah, stupid commercial is stupid. Get some mustard on that hot dog or GTFO.

Ok all for now. We'll see what happens next week!

Labels: Food