Four Things That Make Me Go....

When in doubt, post something about stuff that pisses you off. Pet Peeves, they calls it. I have a ton because, you know, people are irritating. My wife is convinced I would make a GREAT hermit. So long as I had stuff to read... I wouldn't dispute her. The sad part of that is that I often get tired of people who are actually friends so, don't get too close.

But there are some things that piss me the hell off and for no particular reason I'm listing them.

(note: piss and hell are not bad words. Piss used to be but it's okay now because you can say "pee" on TV while I still remember a time when that wouldn't be. And you can say hell on TV too so it can't be bad.)

1. Phony Farco Barnes* questions at the end of a blog post. Sometimes people who are full of chit** want to make sure they aren't caught being full of chit by putting a furtive "What makes YOU this way?" or "What do YOU do about that" question at the end of their chitty post so it doesn't appear to be all about THEIR fat jazz*** - which we already know it is anyway. Maybe it's not so much the question, but then when you answer they don't bother to respond. Reason? Just another Farco Barnesian trick to get you to read their chit.

2. VEE'-hickle. People...... the word "vehicle" is pronounced vē-ə-kəl or - phoenetically - veeya-kul. Now I realize that the dictionaries in the last few years have allowed the trailer trash, Appalachian, ignorant mid-western city dweller lug nut version (VEEhickle as in Popcicle) into their lexicon, but I remain convinced that they did that as an act of appeasement in the manner of Chamberlain allowing Hitler to waltz into the Sudetenland en route to swallowing Czechoslovakia, the fact that I have just violated Reductio ad Hitlerum notwithstanding. What is next? Myoo-neh-SIPP-ul for Municipal? I rest my case.

3. It is what it is... It is what it is. I thought that's what it was but it turned out to be what THEY wanted so, you know, hey - it is what it is. This is the single most overused bit of frustrated chit going in the world today. And if you think I'm the only one who notices that "it is what it is" is bovichit just Google it. Go 'head. I'll wait here. OR... you could look into what it looks like to the technologically astute or ultra-observant people in the world. See what they think of the phrase by looking at the Urban Farco Barnes Dictionary definition of the useless, throw-away, catch-all, cliche-ridden, pointless, non-answer catch phrase, paying especial attention to definition two wherein the example relates...

J: It troubles me that you continue to put cyanide in my Yoohoo even after I've asked you to stop.

B: It is what it is.

4. Decimate. They were decimated. The barbarians DECIMATED Rome. Well, no, they didn't. And they weren't. And it isn't. Because "decimated" - you rube from Picayune - means "to reduce by one tenth." One tenth... as in "deca" or "ten" like in "decade". But people think "decimated" somehow related to "decapitated"... EXCEPT IT DOESN'T. And college professors, and people being interviewed as some kind of "experts", and The History Channel Just Farco Barnesically LOVE to use the term "decimate" in place of something that actually makes sense. You mean OBLITERATE. Or, sans hyperbole, just "destroyed." And "destroyed" ought to be enough. But No. You want to go beyond it. You want to make it HUMONGOUS, so the only thing you can think of is decimated. But unless you're only talking about a small fraction -THIS IS NOT YOUR FARCO BARNESIAN WORD!!!

That's all I have. I can't go further, though there are more and you can trust me on this. But I don't want my head to explode in your lap. We'll continue this another day.

So..... What are YOU'RE pet peeves?

AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. See what I did thar? "You're" instead of "your" and refer to 1 while you're at it? Did you see that? AHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

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* Farco Barnes - forevermore the substitute on this blog for the f word because my wife does not like me, a grandpa, using said terminology.
** Chit - the other word's substitute.
*** jazz - posterior